


It's Time to Go Back

by Activeimagination



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 15:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12609972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Activeimagination/pseuds/Activeimagination
Summary: Robert is in a coma, he wakes on Christmas Day and there is someone from his past to talk to him.Will include lots of references to spoilers that have leaked out.





	It's Time to Go Back

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this story borrows heavily from the spoilers so if you do not want to know them then do not read. Hope you enjoy.

It’s Time to Go Back

 

He wakes slowly, almost as if is in slow motion. Blinking quickly he tries to adjust his eyes while also seeking to put the patchwork of recent memories in order, doing his best to distinguish whether they are dream or reality. Opening his eyes he realises that his vision is still strange, not blurred but tinged with an opaque translucency as if he is looking through frosted glass from a dark space. 

He looks around the room, it is familiar but not where he has been for the last number of months. His heartbeat quickens, he’s back, back in a place he was certain he would never be again. He runs down the spiral stairs that he had insisted on as a bespoke piece and notices, through an opaque view, a man standing in the kitchen over the sink. 

Time stands still, or at least he thinks it does. The air is filled with an eerie silence the kind he imagines fills spaces in the hours leading to a hurricane making landfall. Slowly, ever so slowly the man turns, he hopes against all hope that this is now a dream and that he will soon awaken to a chaotic life that at least he will recognise. 

‘Robert’, gently said with a smile ‘it’s ok’  
‘No’, he inhales sharply, ‘no, it can’t be’  
‘It is’  
‘Dad’  
He could say no more. A hurricane. A hurricane of emotion and confusion had made landfall right in the pit of his stomach and a kaleidoscope of memories invaded every available space in his brain. He began to shake, realising he imagined that if this was not a dream then it was all over.  
‘Am I…..Oh God am I dead?’  
‘No son, you are not dead although that Lachlan did a fine job of trying to make sure you would be’  
He could remember now, one of the thoughts he had figured may have been a dream must have been real, Lachlan bearing down on him at full throttle in a ridiculously small fiesta. Then as if the little boy holding his finger in the dyke of memories had pulled it away in a flourish it all came back in an overwhelming wave that he felt himself drowning under a sea of regret and loathing.

The shaking was involuntary and fierce, he sat on the floor near the sofa, a place where in May he thought he had received a reprieve that he knew he did not deserve.  
‘Robert, you need to take deep breaths now son, we may not have too long and we have a bit to sort through’  
‘I don’t understand this, I must be in a coma or something’  
‘Yes, your body is there in Hotton General but your mind or soul or whatever is here’  
‘Here, but why here?’  
‘MMM I wondered that myself to be honest. It may be because this is the place where you believed you would be happy, where you can still be or at least that’s what your Mum reckoned’  
‘Mum’, he smiled, ‘is she here?’  
‘No, you see only one can come at times like this and well, we thought you and I might have had more to talk about than her and you’  
‘I see, so is this where I get to decide whether to go back or not’  
‘No, Robert I’m afraid you don’t have that much control. We are here to make sure that you are in the right place for when you do go back’

Robert looked at the image sitting on the floor beside him, he looked around the room and suddenly his stomach dissolved into a puddle of bile.  
‘Wait, if you’re here, I mean if we’re here then you know, you must know’  
‘Aye, son I do….Robert before we start I need to say that I’m sorry. Sorry for everything but especially sorry for what I did when you were a lad and I found you with him. I was wrong.’  
‘Dad…’  
‘Ssh Robert, I was deadly wrong. We are in this house because it is the place where you had all you ever wanted or needed.’ He laughed ruefully, ‘it would have to be with a Dingle but I reckon you chose the best one of them all’  
‘You mean that?’, Robert was afraid to discern approval from Jack Sugden.  
‘Aye, Aaron is a good lad. He loves you’  
‘Loved Dad, loved’  
‘Robert, son, I’m the one who is on the side that knows everything. Aaron loves you, no more than you didn’t he never stopped and that is why he is sitting by your bedside on Christmas Day while the rest of his family are at Wishing Well. With a place left for both of you I should say.’  
‘He is?’  
‘Yeah, let’s take a look’.

Suddenly they are in a hospital room. There was no whooshing sound, just a transition. He could see himself lying on the bed and Aaron sitting right beside, his hand gently caressing the hand of the patient.   
‘This is weird’  
‘Yeah’  
‘Can you often look on like this?’  
‘Very often although there are times I’ve ignored’.  
They’re back in the room.  
‘Dad I want to go back, I want to see him again’  
‘You will…..now ok I think it’s safe. Do you remember the last few weeks now?’  
‘I do’, he did all too vividly. His life had disintegrated around him in a speed that was warp like.  
‘Do you remember how you felt?’  
‘Like hell for most of it’  
‘All of it?’  
‘No, the only times I felt ok was when I was with…’  
‘Aaron’  
‘And Seb… Aaron was good, he stuck up for me, he didn’t have to not after all I did’  
‘I’m going to show you how he felt’  
‘What?’  
‘A lot of this is because ye two could not communicate, well now I’m going to show you how he felt’

Standing outside a maternity room. Robert can see that he is through the door and Aaron is outside. A chill runs through him and suddenly he can feel, he can’t understand it, there are not thoughts as such just a feeling. A deep physical presence seeping from Aaron into him, a feeling of utter despondency that the baby has been born and everything is over. Then in a small corner there’s a warm glow, almost like the heat that can come from something small like a light bulb when the heat is off, he knows what it is, it’s love, it had not gone away.   
‘You ok son?’  
‘Yeah, I did this to him…My God, I did this’

The world shifts slightly and there they are and Robert is revealing every sordid detail. He looks at his father.  
‘I knew all of it Robert and I did some stuff in my day too, focus on what Aaron is feeling’  
Robert knows, he can remember the look in his eyes disappointment writ large and almost a resignation that everything was always going to happen the way it did. But still that glow of heat is fighting to make its presence felt. 

Next it’s the day Aaron is warning him not to tell the Whites what he was up to.  
‘You see there is Dingle in him’, Jack laughed.  
‘Dad, I need to focus’  
‘Of course you do’  
It’s pride, that’s what it is. Aaron felt proud, Robert was proving him right that he would be a good Dad.  
‘He was right you know’

Now Home Farm.  
‘Never did like this place myself’  
‘No Dad, no you did not’  
This visitation is different because breathing Robert is not here. No. It’s Rebecca and Aaron. He listens to the words this time. Wow. Aaron was always sexy in full flight and this is full flight. No holds barred. Aaron is giving it his all for… for him. Robert looks at Jack.  
‘Yeah, this was full court press son’  
It sure was. There was anger, he could feel it emanating from every inch of him but it was directed at her and that glow was growing, the heat was like an open fire now, a cosy fire.

‘This one is difficult Rob’  
The Woolpack. Robert shuddered. He knew what was coming. Knew how it almost killed him. Now he looked around for Aaron, and there he was sitting in the corner with Paddy. He can see himself walk in and feels the jolt that Aaron felt sitting on the chair. The exact same jolt he himself felt every time Aaron was within view since late 2014.   
‘You always had that effect, don’t be smug now’  
He focuses on Aaron as the alternative him is berated by Rebecca, Aaron is angry, feeling protective, wants to get up but doesn’t. When the reveal comes, like a chill North wind the love of his life is overcome not with anger but sorrow and hurt for him. Aaron felt for him at that minute. Robert looks at Jack.  
‘Is that it?’  
‘No’

Outside the pub with darkness enveloped all around. He can see the mist of his breath in the night air. He’s walking towards Keepers. He knows what will happen but then his attention in taken by Aaron hurrying out after him, he can tell the feelings of hope and expectation oozing from him. Good God he was going to forgive him. Jack nods a simple confirmation. There is no time to think, noise, tyres screeching and then dark.

Without seeing anything Robert feels, in an intensity he didn’t think possible. Feelings of desperation, desperate sorrow and the grinding of lost opportunity. It take him a second to realise they are from Aaron not him. Yet at that moment he knew, knew clearly that their feelings were the same. 

He closes his eyes and when he opens them they are back in the hospital.  
‘One more time’, Jack says.  
He looks, Aaron is stroking his cheek as he lies on the bed.  
‘Come on you lazy git, it’s time to come back to us, to me’  
The room feel unbearably warm, he look around quizzically and then realises.  
‘That’s right son, that’s how he is feeling’

Thud. Back in the Mill.  
‘Dad…Dad, God did I?’  
‘No son, we are just back here, I think out little journey might have been helpful’  
‘He loves me’  
‘Yes, he does and you love him’  
‘I never did, you know, I actually didn’t do anything with her’  
‘I know, I knew from that night. Fact is you wouldn’t have either. I know you think you would have and all but you wouldn’t’  
‘You know that?’  
‘I know that’  
‘What happened to Lachlan’  
‘He’s in custody with some bruising’  
‘Git was injured was he trying to kill me’  
‘No, Cain’  
‘Cain?’  
‘Yeah, you may have got the best Dingle but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know when to release the hounds’  
‘Dad…I’ve done some awful stuff’  
‘You have son but you’ve done some great things too. You saved Aaron, Adam and Andy.’  
‘Katie’  
‘You didn’t mean that to happen just like Andy didn’t mean for Sarah to die’  
‘Does she hate me, Katie?’  
‘Hate doesn’t exist here son. You know Andy is right’  
‘I bet’  
‘Wow even on your sick bed eh?’  
Robert smiles slightly.  
‘I’m not dead you know’  
‘Aaron is good for you, he makes you a better man’  
‘I know, Andy was definitely right, I got him cleared you know’  
‘I do’  
They look at each other, an understanding reached that neither thought would be possible.  
‘Aaron’s waiting’  
‘Tell Mum, tell her I love her’  
‘She knows son, we both know’  
‘I miss her, I miss….I miss you’  
‘And we miss you, we miss you all’  
There’s a warm glow again and Robert knows that it is not from Aaron this time.  
‘I feel a bit funny’  
‘Yeah, well that’s a sign. It’s time’  
‘Time?’  
‘Yeah, time to go back’

oOo

Faintly he can hear the beep of a machine. His throat feels dry and he opens his eyes. The translucency is gone and he can feel something on his hand. He looks to his left and there he is, Aaron’s jaw slightly brushing against his hand as he snoozes. He looks towards the door and can almost be certain he sees the shape of a man with a smile on his face. A vision he will treasure forever.  
‘Robert…Robert you’re back’  
‘I’m back’


End file.
